Attention Teens, Young Adults and Parents…
Do you feel like your parents or significant other doesn't "hear" you when you are talking to them?
Do you find you can't go to your parents or significant other because they will just give their opinion or are quick to find you a solution, therefore you don't feel heard?
They are not responding this way because they don't care. They do care! That is why they are trying to fix it and make it better. However, that's not always what we need or want to hear.
When your parents or significant other continues to give you their opinion or give you solutions to the problem, do you find you don't want to talk to them about certain things anymore or that you immediately get defensive and leave? That is totally fair to act this way. Those kinds of responses indirectly minimize your feelings; therefore, you tend to say things like "you don't get" or "you're not listening!".
A simple tip I share with teens, young adults and parents when they want to talk to their person about stuff, but don't want to deal with their other person's response, is to set up the conversation with a simple question/statement:
"If you are the person going to your special person to talk, tell them: I just need you to listen to me while I talk. I don't need your opinion or a solution right now, I just need to talk."
"If you are the person listening when your person comes to you to talk, and they don't already tell you, ask them: Before you continue, do you want me to just listen, give my opinion or a solution?"
Your person may be open to a solution, but not at that moment. You can check on them later and ask if they would like to discuss further.
The most helpful thing you can do for a loved one when they need to talk is to just LISTEN and VALIDATE, REPEAT, and REFLECT their thoughts and feelings back to them.
Common questions
How do I get someone to just listen to me?
Set up the conversation first. Try saying: I just need you to listen while I talk. I don't need your opinion or a solution right now, I just need to talk.
How can I be a better listener?
Before they continue, ask: Do you want me to just listen, give my opinion or offer a solution? Then LISTEN, VALIDATE, REPEAT and REFLECT their thoughts and feelings back to them.
Why do parents jump straight to solutions?
It's not because they don't care. They do care! That's why they're trying to fix it and make it better, even when that's not what you need in the moment.
Feeling unheard?
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